Oceans

To say the last week has been difficult would be a bit of an understatement... A death, a funeral, heartbreak, family problems, drama, and a car accident to top it all off... This has not been my week...

But with my new approach to life, I keep telling myself that it's in God's plan. These are just challenges that are making me into a better person. I have to start looking at the silver lining..

Yes, I got in a car accident, but my car was okay as was his and he didn't even ask for my insurance. He just said, "you know I was going to get it washed anyways. You're fine." It could have been so much worse. There could have been more damage than there was. We could have been hurt. A lot could have gone wrong, but God had his hand in it and everyone is okay.

Yes, my family is really hard for me most of the time, but they love me. They make me want to rip my hair out sometimes. Sometimes they make me really sad or insecure... But they support me when I really need them.

Yes, my heart hurts. A lot. But there are so many places I could go with this and things I can do with it. I'm realizing that it can only get better from here.

The hardest pill for me to swallow has always been death though... It's hard. It's unfair. Frankly it's something that will always be hard for me whether I know the person or not. A Taekwondo class mate passed away this week. He had four kids between the ages of 12 and 16. He was a Christian, in excellent shape, and extremely kind. I didn't interact with him much, but he and his whole family had always been so kind. When I got the news I thought my mom was messing with me. It was impossible. I had spent my morning watching videos that he took at the testing the night before. It was impossible. But the funny thing about death and God's plan is that they don't make sense to us... And God doesn't have to make it understandable. We just have to trust in him. From this family I learned about finding true strength in Christ. At the funeral they were just praising The Lord and trusting in him after he completely flipped their world upside down. If that family who just had their rock ripped away from them, can trust in God and make it why can't I?

Life is always going to be hard. My life tends to kick the crap out of me until I break... But I've decided that I don't want that to be my pattern anymore. As the oceans rise and roar, as storm after storm comes my way, I'm going to try really hard to put my faith in The Lord. Accepting that God's plan for me isn't the same as mine for me has been a struggle for me... But I'm willing to pull through the struggle... Because I have a pretty powerful God on my side and I don't think he's going to let me drown.

Resonating Lyrics:
And I will call upon your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise, my soul will rest in your embrace
For I am yours and you are mine
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters wherever you would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior